Lauren Sapala

Category: Introverts, INFJs, and INFPs

  • Dealing with Emotional Overwhelm as an INFJ

    Dealing with Emotional Overwhelm as an INFJ

    One of the biggest problems INFJ personality types deal with is avoidance, and many of us don’t even know that we’re doing it or how much it’s holding us back. Avoidance in INFJ personality types may show up as social anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism, shyness, and/or denial about things that need to change in our life.

    One of the reasons we have such strong avoidant tendencies is because we get emotionally overwhelmed. Almost every INFJ is also a Highly Sensitive Person, and this high sensitivity extends to our emotional system as well. We are hurt easily by criticism and dragged down quickly by pessimism or any other kind of excessive negativity. We are also hyper-aware of the tone of voice and moods of others. All of these things can cause us to experience an emotional storm within ourselves. These storms are hard to weather and so, as a way to protect ourselves, most INFJ personality types avoid anything that might cause one of these storms within us.

    However, there is a way to deal with emotional overwhelm for INFJs that doesn’t feed into our unhelpful avoidant tendencies. I talk about this more in the video below:

    I’m teaching a new class this September called Energy and Intuition for INFJs and I’m going to be covering topics like these, and so much more. We’re going to be learning about INFJ emotions, the INFJ/empath connection, how to use INFJ intuition to navigate our frequent emotional storms, INFJ anxiety and depression, and more. If this sounds like something you need right now, be sure to sign up for my newsletter HERE to get all the updates.

    This is the third and final video in this series as I get ready to launch this new class, and I’ve already gotten so many messages from INFJs letting me know that this is exactly what they need and they’re so excited to begin—and so excited to meet other INFJs. Many of us INFJs don’t know a single other INFJ and it can get really lonely. I’m hoping this class will change that for a lot of people.

    If you have any questions at all, please send them to me here. I’ll be opening registration in just a couple of days, on Thurs Sep 8. I’ll see you then!

    Lauren Sapala is the author of The INFJ Writer and The INFJ Revolution. You can get a free copy of her book on creative marketing for writers by signing up for her newsletter HERE.

  • Why It Can Be So Painful to Be an INFJ

    Why It Can Be So Painful to Be an INFJ

    For people who are INFJ personality types, regular life can be hard. Usually, when we’re growing up and still figuring ourselves out as young adults, we assume that life is so hard because there is something wrong with us. INFJs are extremely observant, and it’s easy for us to see all the many ways in which we don’t fit in with the groups around us. What is much more confusing though, is why we don’t fit in.

    This leads most INFJ personality types to feel alone, misunderstood, rejected, or weird (and not in a good way). These negative feelings are only compounded by the fact that we are easily able to understand the personalities of others. We can quickly grasp the psychological motivations of other people, what makes them tick and why they do the things they do. Again though, we are painfully aware that other people do not grasp these things about us.

    The lack of understanding from other people is also not the only thing that makes us feel so alone in the world. Most INFJs are an enigma even to themselves and this also causes us emotional pain. I talk more in-depth about this in the video below:

    I’m teaching a new class this September called Energy and Intuition for INFJs and I’m going to be covering topics like these, and so much more. We’re going to be learning about the INFJ emotional system (and INFJ emotional stumbling blocks), self-image and self-worth, relationships, creativity, and finding your life purpose as an INFJ. If this sounds like something you need right now, be sure to sign up for my newsletter HERE to get all the updates.

    I’ve gotten a lot of requests from people to teach a class like this for a long time, so I’m pretty excited to dive into this topic. So many INFJs needlessly suffer because they don’t fully understand how they work as a personality, or how they fit into the world. I’m creating this new class to help specifically with those very issues, so I think it will be a turning point for a lot of people.

    If you have any questions at all, please send them to me here. And stay tuned for the next video in this series on “How to Unblock Your INFJ Intuition.”

    Lauren Sapala is the author of The INFJ Writer and The INFJ Revolution. You can get a free copy of her book on creative marketing for writers by signing up for her newsletter HERE.

  • Why Dominant Introverted Intuition Makes INFJ Writers Perfectionists

    Why Dominant Introverted Intuition Makes INFJ Writers Perfectionists

    Perfectionism is one of the major issues INFJ writers deal with on a daily basis. Perfectionism often blocks writers from finishing projects because they spend countless hours trying to make things perfect and never actually move ahead. It also blocks writers from ever starting anything because the moment they write that first sentence and see how flawed it is, they feel overwhelmed and lose all hope that they can continue.

    Perfectionism is especially frequent in INFJ writers, and it doesn’t just extend to their writing life. Most INFJ personality types experience the crippling effects of perfectionism in their day-to-day lives, whether that’s in their jobs, their relationships, or with other personal issues. This is also why many INFJ personality types tend to gravitate toward personal growth and improvement. We are always trying to make ourselves better, because we can very clearly see where exactly we are lacking.

    Why is perfectionism so strong and all-consuming for INFJ personality types, and INFJ writers in particular? (more…)

  • Why INFP Writers Struggle with So Much Shame Around Creativity

    Why INFP Writers Struggle with So Much Shame Around Creativity

    If you know anything about the INFP personality type, you know that INFPs are one of the most creative types out there. I have many INFP clients and, in my experience, they really are super creative. INFPs have these magical brains that come up with all sorts of cool stuff. As creative writers, they tend to pair striking imagery and poetic phrasing with deeply perceptive insights about human nature.

    However, even though the INFP personality type has this incredible talent for creativity, they are also one of the types that suffer the most from self-doubt, and who also struggle the most with shame around the creative process itself. Almost every INFP I’ve ever worked with has expressed to me, at one time or another, that they believe they’re “doing it wrong.” They almost always feel like they’re not organized enough, they jump around too much, or they can’t stick with one thing all the way through. And almost every INFP feels that all of these things are flaws they need to work on so that they can become better writers. (more…)

  • Why INFJ Writers Are So Deeply Triggered by Criticism

    Why INFJ Writers Are So Deeply Triggered by Criticism

    A few years ago, I gave one of the first drafts of one of my novels to a friend who said she was interested in reading it and giving me feedback. I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about getting her feedback, but I figured this was something I had to do if I wanted to grow that “thick skin” that I’d heard every writer had to have. So, against my better judgment, I gave it to her.

    “I didn’t like the ending,” she said when I met with her the next time. “It felt like the main character was too dependent on the people outside of her. She should have been more independent, more feisty. I like strong female characters.”

    Well, I was immediately crushed. And then instantly spiraled out. This didn’t just feel like feedback to me, it felt like stinging, crushing, excruciating criticism. The ending of my story was all wrong. The main character was all wrong. She wasn’t strong enough, she wasn’t independent enough. She just wasn’t…enough. And neither was I. (more…)