In my last article, Do You Always Attract Energy Vampires? This Is the Reason Why, I talked about how empaths and intuitives (i.e., people who have the INFJ or INFP personality type) tend to go through life attracting energy vampires not only because of our heightened empathy, but also because we usually struggle with feeling overly guilty and this guilt shows up as a strong emotional charge in our energy field, and that’s when energy vampires take advantage of us.
Most empaths and intuitives I’ve worked with have told me they feel guilty for existing, or taking up space, for a variety of different reasons. Some of us had parents who were unable to handle the challenge of having a child (us), and some of us had parents who were unable to process their own emotions and so they dumped those emotions on others (again, us). Whatever the reason, most empaths and intuitives in childhood did not receive support from loving, mentally healthy people with appropriate boundaries, and so we grew up finding much the same in our adult world.
This is one of the main reasons that so many empaths and intuitives feel completely and utterly alone. Although we long to form deep connections with others that feel loving and meaningful, and actually nourish us, it seems like this just never happens. When we do make friends, we find that we most often act in the role of constant counselor to them, even if they’re not an actual energy vampire and they really mean well.
As an INFJ and an empath, I have attracted energy vampires most of my life. They’ve ranged from the relatively harmless person who tends to dump all their personal problems on me every time we meet, to the severely toxic people who can be classified as narcissists and psychopaths.
Since this has happened to me since the time when I was very young, I’ve gone through every stage of disconnecting from a person you can imagine. I’ve done the quiet fade out and the way more extreme door slam. I’ve changed my phone number and ignored Facebook messages forever. When I tell “normal” people I know (i.e., non-empaths) about my experiences, they are always puzzled. This doesn’t happen to them, and so my methods of cutting people off and cutting people out of my life seem overly dramatic. But the other INFJs and INFPs I know ALWAYS get it. Because it happens to them too.
This was the way life was for me up until about six years ago. The actual process of change was activated years before that, but it was six years ago that I started seeing a significant shift in my life. I began to notice that the energy vampires didn’t seem to be so prevalent in my reality anymore. It wasn’t that I was fending them off better. It was that they just plain weren’t showing up so I didn’t even have to deal with them in the first place.
It was weird, but it also felt awesome. Suddenly, I knew what it meant to be free.
This is an issue that all empaths and intuitives deal with on a constant basis. Energy vampires are attracted by our strong sense of empathy. They meet us and quickly understand that we will pretty much always lend an ear (or a few units of our energy) to their black hole personality. But there’s also more to it than that, and that’s why empaths and intuitives struggle with this so much. We think that the energy vampire shows up in our life so often because we have too much empathy for them, so we naturally conclude that the only solution is to become tougher, less empathetic, less compassionate, and less kind. However, for an empath and/or intuitive person, this is an impossible thing to ask.
The little-known secret is that it’s not about making yourself less empathetic. It’s about changing your energy signature. This is the energetic “fingerprint” of your energy field that other people can read subconsciously and to which they always react. Empaths and intuitives all share a very similar energy signature, and there’s something in this signature that attracts the energy vampires like nothing else.
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In my last article, Why Are Writers So Susceptible to Toxic Ideas About Creativity? I talked about how easy it is to fall prey to the never-ending anxiety loops of the brain when we are disconnected from our own hearts. When you’re almost totally in the brain space, writing becomes much harder than it needs to be.
If this is you, you’ll know this is you, because writing just isn’t any fun anymore. It feels difficult and fills you with dread and makes you feel badly about yourself. This is the result of letting the brain run your creative show, and there is another result that is rarely talked about, but has an extremely damaging effect on writers.
In my last article, One of the Biggest (and Most Dangerous) Myths in the Writing Community, I talked about the dangerous idea that is so prevalent in the writing community that “creativity has to be hard.” This idea is so dangerous because it stresses writers out to the point where they are totally consumed with anxiety and they then bring a ton of resistance to their writing projects, or can’t write at all.
Today, I’m talking about WHY we are so susceptible to this toxic belief and why it can be so hard to uproot it from our creative practice, like a tenacious weed that just won’t let go.
The reason is because, as a society, we are almost wholly dependent on our brains. We use our brains to navigate our world, interpret all information, and make every decision, very rarely ever checking in with our hearts. We have been programmed and trained to operate in this way from an early age, and if we do, by chance, happen to be a person who has broken out of this way of doing things and has tried to find greater balance by reconnecting with our heart, we are usually shamed in some way, and told we are “too idealistic,” “too sensitive,” and made to feel that we’re even possibly just slightly stupid.