In my last article, Do You Always Attract Energy Vampires? This Is the Reason Why, I talked about how empaths and intuitives (i.e., people who have the INFJ or INFP personality type) tend to go through life attracting energy vampires not only because of our heightened empathy, but also because we usually struggle with feeling overly guilty and this guilt shows up as a strong emotional charge in our energy field, and that’s when energy vampires take advantage of us.
Most empaths and intuitives I’ve worked with have told me they feel guilty for existing, or taking up space, for a variety of different reasons. Some of us had parents who were unable to handle the challenge of having a child (us), and some of us had parents who were unable to process their own emotions and so they dumped those emotions on others (again, us). Whatever the reason, most empaths and intuitives in childhood did not receive support from loving, mentally healthy people with appropriate boundaries, and so we grew up finding much the same in our adult world.
This is one of the main reasons that so many empaths and intuitives feel completely and utterly alone. Although we long to form deep connections with others that feel loving and meaningful, and actually nourish us, it seems like this just never happens. When we do make friends, we find that we most often act in the role of constant counselor to them, even if they’re not an actual energy vampire and they really mean well.
As an INFJ and an empath, I have attracted energy vampires most of my life. They’ve ranged from the relatively harmless person who tends to dump all their personal problems on me every time we meet, to the severely toxic people who can be classified as narcissists and psychopaths.
Since this has happened to me since the time when I was very young, I’ve gone through every stage of disconnecting from a person you can imagine. I’ve done the quiet fade out and the way more extreme door slam. I’ve changed my phone number and ignored Facebook messages forever. When I tell “normal” people I know (i.e., non-empaths) about my experiences, they are always puzzled. This doesn’t happen to them, and so my methods of cutting people off and cutting people out of my life seem overly dramatic. But the other INFJs and INFPs I know ALWAYS get it. Because it happens to them too.
This was the way life was for me up until about six years ago. The actual process of change was activated years before that, but it was six years ago that I started seeing a significant shift in my life. I began to notice that the energy vampires didn’t seem to be so prevalent in my reality anymore. It wasn’t that I was fending them off better. It was that they just plain weren’t showing up so I didn’t even have to deal with them in the first place.
It was weird, but it also felt awesome. Suddenly, I knew what it meant to be free.
This is an issue that all empaths and intuitives deal with on a constant basis. Energy vampires are attracted by our strong sense of empathy. They meet us and quickly understand that we will pretty much always lend an ear (or a few units of our energy) to their black hole personality. But there’s also more to it than that, and that’s why empaths and intuitives struggle with this so much. We think that the energy vampire shows up in our life so often because we have too much empathy for them, so we naturally conclude that the only solution is to become tougher, less empathetic, less compassionate, and less kind. However, for an empath and/or intuitive person, this is an impossible thing to ask.
The little-known secret is that it’s not about making yourself less empathetic. It’s about changing your energy signature. This is the energetic “fingerprint” of your energy field that other people can read subconsciously and to which they always react. Empaths and intuitives all share a very similar energy signature, and there’s something in this signature that attracts the energy vampires like nothing else.
I’m a featured speaker at this year’s Finding the Writer Within—an online summit hosted by Sage Adderley, a writer’s coach, and author. It’s all starting August 2, and you won’t want to miss a minute.
We’ll be doing Art + Writing Exercises + Mini Workshop sessions on topics from mindset, being in your greatness, listening to your muse, writing diverse characters, and more! Sessions are led by award-winning artists, teachers, speakers, and authors from all over the country (including me).
It’s easy to come along! You don’t need to leave your home. Finding the Writer Within is a summer creative retreat that’ll fit around your schedule, and best of all, it’s absolutely FREE.
If one of your goals is to finally start or finish your book, OR you want to try something new and have some fun, then come join us at Finding the Writer Within!
RESERVE YOUR SPOT IN THE EVENT HERE
I hope to see you there!
Lauren Sapala is the author of The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Intuitive Writing, a six-step online video course for INFJ and INFP writers who struggle with writing. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book on creative marketing for INFJ and INFP writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy of Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers.
I’ve published 5 books (3 nonfiction and 2 fiction) and there’s so much I wish I would have known before publishing, that I now know through the long, hard road of experience. Whether you’re going the traditional publishing route, or you’re choosing to self-publish, there’s definitely a learning curve to becoming a new published author. My hope is that I can save you the headache of figuring it all out on your own so that the whole process goes a bit easier for you.
My new video course, ‘The Joyful Writer,’ is now available for purchase!
CLICK HERE FOR THE JOYFUL WRITER VIDEO COURSE
And thanks so much to everyone who has emailed me in the past couple of days and let me know that this is exactly what you need at this time. 🙂
P.S. The Joyful Writer is only $79 until this Friday, June 25. After that it goes up to $119, so if you know you want it, jump on it before the price goes up!