INFJ personality types and INFP personality types often attract people who want to form friendships, but who also give mixed messages. These messages may include:
“I like you,” and “I’m jealous / threatened by you.”
Or, “we’re friends,” but “I want to see you fail.”
This type of “friend” is known as a “frenemy,” because they embody traits of a friend, and also traits of an enemy. The mixed messages that INFJ personality types and INFP personality types receive in these types of friendships are very confusing and hurtful, and we usually internalize the messages and blame ourselves.
This type of person is attracted to INFJ personality types and INFP personality types because we frequently have traits that they admire or want to emulate, and they also love the attention we give them. This type of person tends to be insecure, self-absorbed, and threatened by others.
INFJ personality types and INFP personality types form friendships with these people because we often override early warning signals in the relationship that the person does not have our best interest at heart. We are also accustomed to providing most of the sensitivity in a relationship, and doing most of the emotional labor, which means we are used to giving a lot and getting little back.
Due to childhood experiences, this kind of dynamic usually feels normal to us, and so we don’t question it as deeply as we should when the relationship is first forming with the person. Then, we fall into these frenemy relationships and get burned when it’s too late. This results in INFJ personality types and INFP personality types feeling like we can trust no one.
I talk more about this in the video below:
I’m teaching a workshop called INFJ and INFP Relationships, happening on Wednesday July 24 at 1:00pm EST. This workshop is for you if you struggle to make your needs known in relationships, you seem to attract other people who are self-absorbed and unable to see you, and you feel lonely, even in your closest friendships.
You can find all the details and register here:
And if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me here.
I would love to see you there!
Lauren Sapala is the author of Writing on the Intuitive Side of the Brain, The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Energy and Intuition for INFJs, an online course for INFJs on intuition, relationships, creativity, and more. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.
