Browsing Tag

INFJ

Most Common Roles Played by INFJs and INFPs in Dysfunctional Families

In dysfunctional family systems, roles are assigned to family members which they unconsciously accept in order to continue to be part of the family. Those who rebel against their assigned role are punished by other family members as a way to make them “fall back in line.”

INFJ and INFP people are often either assigned the role of the scapegoat or the mediator. Taking on the identity of these roles keeps us small, and also traps us in our dysfunctional family dynamic.

Most INFJs and INFPs don’t realize we’ve been living in these roles until we are well into adulthood and have put some distance between ourselves and our dysfunctional family.

These are the most common roles played by INFJs and INFPs in dysfunctional families:

Scapegoat

The Crazy One

Mom or Dad’s Helper

Mom or Dad’s Surrogate Spouse (INFJ men, in particular, tend to be forced into the role of Mom’s Surrogate Spouse.)

Little Parent (to siblings)

Rebel / Transgressor (More INFPs than INFJs take on this role.)

Mediator / Counselor

The Invisible One

The Good One

Super-Achiever

The Pure One / Virtuous One / Religious One

Mom or Dad’s Buddy

The Enabler / Co-Conspirator

Each of these roles is based on a false self, constructed partially by the individual and partially by the expectations placed on them, as well as other cues that come from family members. It can be extremely difficult to break out of these roles if the INFJ or INFP has never known anything else.

Getting to know our true self is the key to freeing ourselves from continuing to play dysfunctional family roles.

I teach a new class for INFJs and INFPs every month where we cover topics like these and more for INF people. To get all the updates about new classes and workshops, be sure to sign up for my newsletter here.

Why Do INFJs and INFPs Struggle So Much with Being Creative?

INFJ and INFP personality types are two of the most creative personality types among all the 16 types. We love art, writing, color, beauty, and finding the deeper meaning behind everything. However, as a writing coach who specializes in working with INFJ and INFP writers, I can tell you that I’ve worked with so many people of either type who have said to me:

“I know I’m creative, so why is it so hard for me to express it?” Continue Reading

How to Tell If You’re a Highly Creative Person (It’s Not What You Think)

Creativity is a concept that seems to be discussed endlessly these days. There are websites and articles and books and all sorts of exercises on “how to be more creative,” “how to reconnect with your creativity,” and “why creativity is so important.” A lot of these resources offer helpful tips, but many also miss the mark entirely.

The thing about being highly creative is that it’s not all about thinking. This is hard for us to grasp, because as a society, we’re all programmed with the belief that pretty much everything comes down to how we can think harder, think smarter, or think faster. So, when you pick up a popular book on creativity or your manager at work tells you she wants you to be more creative, chances are that you’re being pushed to “think outside the box,” or, “think bigger,” or, in the words of Apple, “think different.”

Think, think, think.

But being highly creative is not just about thinking. Continue Reading

An INF Happy Ending

Today’s guest post comes from Sarah Terry. Sarah is a counsellor working in schools in the UK. She is also the author of “Inside the Teenage Mind” and hosts a YouTube channel where she gives mental health hints, tips and advice. Sarah also provides self-help online courses for a variety of mental health issues. You can learn more at www.sarahterry.co.uk.

I discovered I was an introvert around eight years ago when I literally felt like I was going mad. I had even been to my doctor to ask about early menopause and would often cry for no reason, pushing away those I loved.

I was working in a busy, open plan office at the time. My managers sat on the same desk pod as me and I constantly felt scrutinised. Although this wasn’t necessarily the case, my interpretation of the environment was such that I felt like a hopeless goldfish, doomed to provide entertainment to all passers-by. I would come home from work and cry, unable to vocally articulate to my (extroverted) husband what I was feeling, much less why. Continue Reading

I’m an INFJ/INFP Who Wants to Become a Coach. How Can I Get Over Imposter Syndrome?

One of the most frequent questions I get from INFJs and INFPs who are thinking about becoming a coach has to do with imposter syndrome. And this makes a lot of sense, because when we imagine what being a coach would be like, we usually see ourselves giving clients advice and acting in the role of “expert.” If you look around at mainstream coaching programs, this view is encouraged. Aspiring coaches are urged to choose an uber-specific niche and get as much training as possible in order to fulfill this “expert” role.

I understand this point of view, because when I first started out as a coach, I was doing the very same thing. I felt really insecure, about my knowledge and  my abilities. I felt a strong calling to help people, and I had always been a natural counselor to my friends and family, but when it came to setting up shop as an actual coach, all the fears and doubts crept in. I thought that people would expect me to be an expert, and the closer I could get to this expert status, the more confident I would feel about being a coach.

Flash forward to now. I’ve been coaching for over seven years, I have a packed coaching schedule every week, I’m booking people three months in advance, and I’m teaching aspiring coaches how to coach. Continue Reading