INFJ personality types are known for being chameleons. Part of this is our strong extraverted feeling function, which allows us to immediately pick up on the emotions and moods of others, and then mirror their emotional state back to them. This is obviously why INFJs make such great counselors and are able to easily help others untangle personal problems. However, another reason we tend to “chameleonize” ourselves when we’re around other people is due to fear.
A few years ago, I gave one of the first drafts of one of my novels to a friend who said she was interested in reading it and giving me feedback. I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about getting her feedback, but I figured this was something I had to do if I wanted to grow that “thick skin” that I’d heard every writer had to have. So, against my better judgment, I gave it to her.
“I didn’t like the ending,” she said when I met with her the next time. “It felt like the main character was too dependent on the people outside of her. She should have been more independent, more feisty. I like strong female characters.”
Well, I was immediately crushed. And then instantly spiraled out. This didn’t just feel like feedback to me, it felt like stinging, crushing, excruciating criticism. The ending of my story was all wrong. The main character was all wrong. She wasn’t strong enough, she wasn’t independent enough. She just wasn’t…enough. And neither was I.