One of the biggest sources of distress for INFJ personality types in their lives is the feeling that they are never seen. This also happens frequently for INFP personality types. Both types report that they feel that they are not seen or accepted by family members, and that it is rare for them to find a friend who they feel truly sees them either. This causes such psychological distress for INFJs and INFPs because both types crave being seen, and also crave being accepted for who they truly are. It’s very important to INFJs and INFPs to feel authentic in their identity and expression with others, but this becomes difficult when we feel that others don’t actually understand who we are, or the way we operate as people.
Introverts, INFJs, and INFPs
Money can be a challenging topic for INFJ and INFP personality types. Many introverted intuitive personality types suffer from money ambivalence, which means they experience conflicting thoughts about money. INFJs and INFPs do need and want money, just like anyone else, but we don’t usually want money in order to acquire more material things. Instead, we want money because we want increased freedom. We want the resources to pursue the rich experiences that help us thrive in life.
INFJ personality types have a hard time fitting into the mainstream, and this starts from a young age. Many INFJ personality types do not fit into their peer group in school when they are growing up, and they don’t fit into the workplace when they go into regular employment as an adult. It’s no surprise to many INFJs that they don’t fit into the mainstream, as this is something we have usually already noticed ourselves. However, it still makes us feel badly about ourselves.
INFJs are one of the types who are most focused on harmony within groups, so when we sense that our presence in a group is causing a misalignment in any way, we tend to internalize that and it causes us to feel shame. We feel that we are the problem, and that if we could only make ourselves more “normal,” then everything would be better. This is why many INFJs adopt an identity that is not actually reflective of their authentic self and personality, but instead is a shield and a front to be used in groups so that they will feel that they better fit in with the group dynamic and the group structure.
Many INFJ personality types describe themselves as a “lone wolf,” which means their preference is to keep an extremely small circle of friends, and not ask for help unless it’s absolutely necessary. This results in most INFJ personality types being not only self-sufficient, but also hyper-independent, and relying on this quality of hyper-independence to get them through life.
INFJ personality types and INFP personality types are known for being natural healers. Both types possess strong empathy, compassion, and easily attune to the moods and needs of others. Because we have a temperament that is so naturally suited to healing work, we tend to attract people with wounds, and to be attracted to people with wounds. Usually, the more severe and unhealed the wound is, the more strongly we will be attracted to that person.