When I was in my 20’s, I fell madly in love with a guy and ended up moving across the country for him. We were together for three months in Seattle before he broke up with me and started dating someone else. A couple of friends had moved out to the West Coast with me, so I wasn’t totally alone, but I was still devastated. Not only over losing the guy, but also because it seemed like no one else around me understood what I was going through.
This had been a pattern before the Seattle-guy breakup, and it continued to be a pattern afterward. For a long time, I assumed that I was too sensitive, or that I got too attached to people. For a while, I just thought something was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I get over people as fast as others did? Why did it take me a year or two, or an even longer amount of time, before I wasn’t actively in pain over a relationship crashing and burning? And maybe the weirdest thing of all, why did I still FEEL the energy of the person long after we had ceased to speak or even glimpse each other in real life?
Being an INFJ or an INFP can be difficult anyway, but falling in love as an INFJ or an INFP can be downright torturous. The falling in love experience is NOT the same for INFJs and INFPs as it is for most of the rest of the population, and there is very little information out there on this subject, so most INFJs and INFPs end up feeling like they’re weird or crazy when it happens to them.
When an INFJ or INFP personality type falls in love, we fall in love fast, and so hard that it feels like we can barely breathe when we’re around the person, or even think about the person. We feel drawn to the other person like they are a giant human-sized magnet sucking us into their orbit. We think about them night and day, and our thoughts turn into obsessive loops where we meticulously analyze every single interaction we’ve had with them. We also need to know everything we can about the person, and that means EVERYTHING. Our curiosity and investigation skills know no bounds.
Now, some of these intense feelings and behaviors can be attributed to the fact that most INFJs and INFPs have trust issues, that’s no secret. So the more we feel we know about the person we’re in love with, the less likely we feel that we will be unpleasantly surprised by some hidden facet of their character down the road. But that’s not all of it. There’s another, deeper reason that INFJs and INFPs experience this deep, instant, and usually unexplainable, attraction to someone else.