For INFJ personality types and INFP personality types, the fawning response is most often a result of trauma in childhood. However, a consistent fawning response can also come about in relationships due to self-worth issues, and not feeling understood by others.
Fawning is an extreme form of people-pleasing, and when INFJ personality types and INFP personality types use this type of strategy in relationships, we signal to the other person that we will do anything to placate them and make them happy. INFJ personality types and INFP personality types use the fawning response to stay in control of interactions and manage the unpredictable moods of others, especially if those others are narcissistic personality types.
Much of the time, in childhood, INFJ personality types and INFP personality types had to constantly use the fawning response in the household, just to emotionally survive. Then, in adulthood we live through a fawning response. This blocks flexibility in relationships, and our reactions in interpersonal exchanges become rigid. Our emotional energy slows down and clogs, and we find that we can’t move outside of the box of certain scripts that we use with people.
When we reach this point, our soul cannot express its true needs and we end up attracting even more narcissists and other toxic people. To break out of fawning, we must move the narcissistic people out of our lives, and then, in our remaining healthy relationships, we must allow ourselves to lose some control over our interactions with others. We must allow other people to occasionally experience disappointment with us and see us as flawed human beings. We need to work with the concept that other people might not be pleased with us ALL the time.
I talk more about this in the video below:
I’m teaching a workshop called INFJ and INFP Relationships, happening on Wednesday July 24 at 1:00pm EST. This workshop is for you if you struggle to make your needs known in relationships, you seem to attract other people who are self-absorbed and unable to see you, and you feel lonely, even in your closest friendships.
You can find all the details and register here:
And if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me here.
I would love to see you there!
Lauren Sapala is the author of Writing on the Intuitive Side of the Brain, The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Energy and Intuition for INFJs, an online course for INFJs on intuition, relationships, creativity, and more. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy.
