In my last article, Do You Always Attract Energy Vampires? This Is the Reason Why, I talked about how empaths and intuitives (i.e., people who have the INFJ or INFP personality type) tend to go through life attracting energy vampires not only because of our heightened empathy, but also because we usually struggle with feeling overly guilty and this guilt shows up as a strong emotional charge in our energy field, and that’s when energy vampires take advantage of us.
Most empaths and intuitives I’ve worked with have told me they feel guilty for existing, or taking up space, for a variety of different reasons. Some of us had parents who were unable to handle the challenge of having a child (us), and some of us had parents who were unable to process their own emotions and so they dumped those emotions on others (again, us). Whatever the reason, most empaths and intuitives in childhood did not receive support from loving, mentally healthy people with appropriate boundaries, and so we grew up finding much the same in our adult world.
This is one of the main reasons that so many empaths and intuitives feel completely and utterly alone. Although we long to form deep connections with others that feel loving and meaningful, and actually nourish us, it seems like this just never happens. When we do make friends, we find that we most often act in the role of constant counselor to them, even if they’re not an actual energy vampire and they really mean well.
Many of the people I work with want to break this cycle—but how? It seems that even the people we attract into our lives who are well-intentioned still end up taking too much. However, in my work with hundreds of INFJ and INFP clients, I’ve found that by learning about just a few of the very basic psychological games other people tend to play, it’s possible to spot certain games before you get sucked into them, and break the cycle of relationships that take too much, for good.
One of the most common games to spot in others who will ultimately end up taking too much from you (whether they are well-intentioned or not) is: No One Ever Shows Up for Me. I talk more about this in the video below:
Once you’re able to spot this game, you can detach quickly while keeping yourself as emotionally neutral as possible. You can also free yourself of feeling responsible for the other person’s abandonment issues.
I’m going to be teaching about this topic in depth, and others, in my upcoming live class that’s happening this August. It’s called AWAKEN, and it’s for empaths and intuitives who struggle with relationships, self-esteem, low energy and anxiety, and so much more. I’ll be releasing one last video after this to give you a taste of what we’re going to be exploring in the class, so be sure to sign up for my newsletter HERE to get that video, as well as all the updates and announcements about the class.
If you have questions in the meantime, you can send them to me HERE. I’d love to get them answered before I open doors for registration. See you soon!
Lauren Sapala is the author of The INFJ Writer, The INFJ Revolution, and the creator of Intuitive Writing, a six-step online video course for INFJ and INFP writers who struggle with writing. She is also currently offering a free copy of her book on creative marketing for INFJ and INFP writers to anyone who signs up for her newsletter. SIGN UP HERE to get your free copy of Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers.